Shelf Nazis

In all the world there are places that ought to be havens of safety. A home, for example, should be a place that is a refuge from the world. It isn't always so, but it ought to be. A church is a place we go and associate with other believers. It ought to be a chamber of blessings. Often it is so. Sometimes there are exceptions, but it ought to be a place of peace. Another place that ought to be such a place is a Christian bookstore. I'm here to proclaim that this is not so. Enter the Christian bookstore at your own peril. One ought to be able to assume that anyone in a Christian bookstore is either a believer or a believer wannabe. I have noticed that those who work in Christian bookstores are often a bit aloof (forgive me if you work in such a place and you are not that way!). It think it all comes from assumptions. They assume you are a believer. They assume that you know why you're there. They assume that they don't have to be especially helpful or nice, because ... well... you're both believers and we don't have to act better than we are as long as unbelievers are not present. In other words, there is no evangelistic purpose for being nice, so it's ok to be one's usual grumpy self. I could be wrong, but I have sensed this in many Christian bookstores. But worse than that ... are the shelf nazis. Today I had an hour to kill while my daughter and granddaughter were in that most hellish of all restaurants, Chuck E. Cheese. I'm convinced that this is where all bad parents go when they die. Thankfully the Christian bookstore is right next to that dreaded pizza parlor for the spoiled tots among us. I had real leisure time on my hands looking at my favorite things ... Christian books, Christian CDs, and the expected Christian bric-a-brac. There I was slowly making my way down the shelf when I noticed her. Before I go on, I need to explain my own neurotic approach to bookstore shelf gazing. If I turn down an aisle and someone is blocking the way, I just mosey on to the next aisle and return in a few minutes. If someone is looking where I want to look, I just make a mental note and come back in a bit, after they have cleared the area. Not shelf nazis. No way. First she said, "Excuse me" and nearly knocked me into the shelf trying to get by me. I do take up more than my fair share of the aisle, but hey ... don't tempt me to lose my godly demeanor here in the Christian bookstore! Going back to the shelf, I began to pull out a book, look at it, put it back ... when I noticed her again. She was invading my space. Evidently she wanted to see a book that was directly in front of me. Instead of excusing herself again, she just inched closer to me. Now I had a choice. I could stand my ground and make her wait, or I could just wander away and come back to graze here later. While I was thinking about it, she inched even closer ... I could almost feel her breath on the back of my neck. I froze ... craning my head as if I were reading titles, but instead all that was on my mind was ... how close is she gonna get, anyway! Since we're both believers (the assumption) then maybe she thought I would just be humble, move out of the way, and forgive her. It kind of ruined my leisurely time reading the titles of the latest books that are sure to change the world. All because of a shelf nazi ... a brusk rhino who wanted me out of the way. Next time I go in the Christian bookstore I'm going to be prepared. I'm going to hug the workers, kiss them on the forehead and tell them that God loves them and I'm working on it. Then if a shelf nazi horns her way into my space, I'm going to straighten up, turn around and stand face to face with them ... eyeball to eyeball ... take a step toward them ... scowl... and say, "come back later, shelf nazi". I'll let you know how it goes.