Hank and the Ho Hums

Hank goes to a ho-hum church. Every Sunday morning he drives up to the ho-hum building and gets out of his car. He walks in through the doors and begins to shake hands with very ho-hum people. They smile at each other and ask, "How are you?" and they give the very ho-hum answer, "I'm Fine". They smile at each other as if by saying these words they have been accepted into a particular secret society. Hanks sits in his pew in the ho-hum auditorium. The ho-hum deacon begins with a ho-hum prayer, after which many people say "Amen" in a dry and ho-hum manner. The ho-hum song leader begins directing a very ho-hum hymn, which the ho-hum church manages to sing in a ho-hum way. After a few songs the preacher ascends the pulpit. Every eye takes in his movment as he begins his sermon. This is a moment of some expectation, because sometimes the preacher tells a not-so-ho-hum joke ... but today he only wants to talk about the Bible. So the ho-hum preacher drones on and on until finally we sing one last ho-hum hymn. We stand and ask each other again, "how are you?" and as if we must give the correct answer in order to escape, we answer "fine". Hank leaves the ho-hum church and goes home and sits at the table and beholds a magnificent spread. The enticing richness of aroma is only surpassed by the delicate perfection of taste. Hank relishes every bite and considers himself nearly at heaven's table. Hank gets up and sits in his plush overstuffed leather chair. He massages the buttons on his remote control, surfing to the exciting football game. He yells at the referees and cheers for his team as they drive home touchdown after touchdown until they have finally won the game. Exhausted, Hank fights afternoon drowsies there in his comfortable chair. The beautiful grandfather clock in the corner of his perfectly decorated den chimes that it is half past the hour. In thirty minutes church begins. But it's so ho-hum and he just doesn't think he can do that again today. As he drifts off to sleep, he wonders why things at church are so ho-hum .